Violence! Nudity! International Spy Syndicates! Mad Scientists! Creatures on a Rampage!

Ted V. Mikel's 1968 film The Astro-Zombies is an entertaining kitchen-sink of exploitation tropes that re-tells the Frankenstein story. Surprisingly, the feature's creatures don't appear to actually be from outer-space, but are constructed with the help of modern science and the body parts of innocent murder victims. After his dismissal from the Space Agency for creating an Astro-Man from the brain of a psychotic criminal, the deranged Dr. DeMarco decides to make another monster to hunt down the first one. In addition to getting some innocent people killed, his activity also attracts the attentions of the CIA and an international spy ring. After being treated to some scenes of lengthy expository dialog, pain-stakingly long experimental procedures (complete with lots of microscope peering, switch throwing and vial filling), this movie starts to get down to business. As the CIA and Commie-spies gun each other down in the race to find the rogue Doctor, DeMarco's former colleagues try to trap the Astro-Man by using Joan Patrick as live bait. Her boyfriend Eric Porter, is played by Tom Pace who also starred in another Mikel's exploitation film The Girl in Gold Boots (1968). They never do capture the creature, but nearly everyone ends up back in DeMarco's lab for the conclusion to this convoluted tale of super-science. In between the spy battle and zombie hunt viewers are treated to an array of horror, sci-fi and exploitation clichés not already covered including: a topless go-go dancer in full body paint, stabbings, a young women writhing away in her underwear while strapped to an operating table and hunch-backed lab assistant.



Unfortunately, all the copies I've seen feature the incredibly bad sound quality not uncommon to the period, and combined with the slow beginnings and convoluted plot viewers may find themselves having a hard time following the story, especially for the film's first third. Still, you don't need to be able to follow the events of The Astro-Zombies too closely to savor the delicious wickedness of Tura Satana's evil secret agent, Satana. It isn't incredibly easy to determine who the star of this picture actually is; Wendell Corey and John Carradine get top billing, Joan Patrick is the love interest that lives, but Tura Satana completely steals the show in every scene she enters. Whether she's throwing drinks in the faces of back-stabbing underlings, stubbing out cigarettes on her victims, or gunning down the cops with glee, Satana's sinister super-spy shines as the most memorable character in this late '60s riff on the archetypal mad science tale. As the fast-thinking and more than capable leader of an international spy ring, Satana barks orders, kicks ass, and kills without mercy, using both ruthlessness and cunning to find and enter DeMarco's lab in order to steal the knowledge of his technology and ship back the secrets to her presumably Soviet home-country. Given the absolute delight it is to watch Tura's villainous vixen tear around The Astro-Zombies, one wonders what havock she could have wrought if cast as the right villain in the right big-budget picture. Still, there's a good chance any big-budget part would have probably paled in comparison to her starring role in Russ Meyer's black and white masterpiece Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!.

Irma La Douce: Cinema's First Taste of Tura Satana

Billy Wilder's Irma La Douce (1963) stars Shirley MacLaine as the titular Irma, a comely cocotte living and working in the streets of Paris. One fine day she makes the acquaintance of Nestor Patou, a young police officer so eager and earnest that he is dismissed from service before the end of his first day on the beat in Les Halles for conducting an unscheduled and embarrassing raid on the Hotel Casanova. With no job and nowhere to go, Patou wanders into the saloon patronized by les poules and their maquereaus. When Irma comes in to get out of the rain and have a sit, a ciggie, and a chat with Patou, her new acquaintance finds himself taunted and bullied by her "boyfriend" Ox. The dispute is brief however, as Nestor then beats Ox handily, and afterward seeks solace and spoils in the arms and apartment of Irma La Douce. Nestor then becomes her new man, protector and business manager but quickly discovers that pimpin' ain't easy as he is tortured with jealousy every time she sees a client. He attempts then to get her off the streets by becoming her sole patron, incognito, of course. Things don't go exactly as planned however and he becomes insanely jealous of his alter-ego and ends up jailed for the murder of himself! Of course, this being a Romantic Comedy it all works out for everyone in the end.

Irma La Douce marked Tura Satana's first foray onto the silver screen. Satana was no stranger to show business however, and had begun her career as a dancer in the early 1950's. Before the end of the decade she became a burlesque sensation, traveling and performing city to city with the likes of Candy Barr and Tempest Storm. While her Parisian prostitute Suzette Wong wasn't exactly a starring role, Satana puts in plenty of screen time in Irma La Douce, appearing in the background and foreground of several scenes. Though appearing is most of what she does throughout the picture, Tura did have a number of lines, which she delivers with gusto in that brilliant, tough-broad voice of her's.

There's never any doubt that Shirley MacLaine is star of the picture, but Tura Satana grabs your attention in every scene she appears. MacLaine's Irma is very sweet indeed, but the sultry Satana is more fun to watch. While we never really get to know the tassel-twirling Suzette Wong, it's easy to imagine her takin' care of business and hard to picture her ever being strong-armed by a boyfriend like Ox. Irma is a perfectly adorable Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but Satana's voluptuous Suzette has a more direct sex appeal that for some reason, is rarely seen in a serious leading role.

Though Tura's smoky sultriness was recorded to celluloid for a preciously small handful of films, she was almost always livin' large off-screen. In an interview at Confessions of a Pop Culture Addict Satana was workin' it at the famous Pink Pussycat Club in Hollywood when she met director Billy Wilder and his wife who suggested that Wilder give her the part of Suzette Wong. He did, and the rest is cinematic history. It has also been rumored that Satana became involved with Wilder during filming. He would not have been her most famous paramour however, as she's been romantically linked to Joe DiMaggio, actor Rod Taylor and Elvis Presley as well.

Join us again later this week for a look at the Ted V. Mikel's Sci-fi Horror Astro-Zombies!

The point is of no return

Tally Roses's Foxy Ladies would like to take a moment to remember the great, and sadly since Friday, late Tura Satana. The NY Times reports that her death was announced by her manager Siouxzan Perry and that Ms. Perry believes the cause of death to have been heart failure.

Thank you Tura, for being Varla, for doing your own stunts and fight scenes, for the other films you leave behind, for being a major -if not the major inspiration for this blog, and for never apologizing for being a girl.

Join us this month, as we re-watch, review and remember the films that were graced by Ms. Satana!

Rest in peace, Tura. No one will ever fill those black boots!